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"10 percent of computer users are Mac users, but remember, we are the top 10 percent."
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
"Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of."
"Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things."
"Apple Computer:We may not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end."
"Don't Panic."
"Everything that's already in the world when you're born is just normal; anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can make a career out of it; anything that gets invented after you're thirty is against the natural order of things and the beginning of the end of civilisation as we know it until it's been around for about ten years when it gradually turns out to be alright really."
"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."
"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."
"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
"How do I know the past is not a fiction conceived to reconcile the difference between my state of mind and the present."
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
"I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it."
"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons."
"In the beginning the universe was created. This has widely been regarded as a bad move."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri."
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
"Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast."
"Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules."
"Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied."
"Reality is frequently inaccurate."
"Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."
"The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in a moment of reasoned lucidity which is almost unique among its current tally of five million, nine hundred and seventy-three thousand, five hundred and nine pages, says of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation products that 'it is very easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all.' In other words, - and this is the rock-solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation's Galaxywide success is founded - their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws."
"The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place."
"The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks."
"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79."
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
"The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination"
"There is a theory which states that if anyone discovers what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
"There was a point to this narrative, but it has presently escaped the chronicler's mind."
"There's nothing in life so difficult that a Microsoft manual can't make it completely incomprehensible."
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty."
"Why is there pain and misery in the world?... Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why didn't Microsoft even put in a word count? These things are unknowable."
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
"A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'hurgs, resplendent in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G'Gugvuntt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green sweet-smelling steam, and, with a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his mother."
"Lovers of print are simply confusing the plate for the food."
"Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much the wheel, New York, wars and so on-whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man— for precisely the same reasons."